Cathy and I want to thank and recognize Trey’s parents, Karen and Greg. You have been so wonderful to get to know and to share in this year of wedding preparation and celebration. A special welcome to Greg’s mother and Trey’s grandmother, Linda.
Lucy has some surrogate Grandparents here tonight whom I want to recognize: our Aunt Dianne and Uncle Pat McDowell. Dianne and Pat have been so special to all of us through the years. They embraced Lucy in a very special way when she was little and my mother passed away. They made her a part of super fun weeklong Grandparent camps in Elizabeth City and our epic family beach trips to the Outer Banks.
Later tonight, a special cake called Beach Cake will be served. It’s a twelve-layer chocolate cake that Dianne always provided each cottage during our summer gatherings in the Outer Banks. Lucy wanted that as her wedding cake, so Dianne made it happen.
Brian, that was a beautiful service and so special that you and your family are here. To Stephanie and Brian Lee and your wonderful children, thanks for making Lucy part of your family while she was in College Station. It gave Cathy and me peace to know she was loved and cared for after we moved abroad.
For many of you on the Lucy side of this gathering, you might think, weren’t we just doing this? A year ago, in the spring, Cathy and I were in Austin for a full month leading up to Emily and Kyle’s wedding. We were around Trey quite a bit on that trip.
We returned to London in good form and full of happiness having had the chance to spend quality time with so many special friends and family, including Trey. I don’t think we had been back in London more than 24 hours when my phone rang, and I saw it was Trey calling.
“Hello, Trey.”
“Mr. Singletary, how are you?”
“I’m great Trey, what can I do for you?”
“Well, I need to come to London to see you and we need to have a talk.”
“Okay, I see. We need to talk. Couldn’t we have talked in Austin, last week?
“No sir. That was Emily’s wedding. And this needed to wait until after that was over.”
Not more than two weeks later Trey arrived in London, telling Lucy he was spending a weekend on a ranch with buddies. We talked, played golf, had meals together, toured around London a bit, and Cathy and I were thrilled that Trey had decided he wanted to marry our youngest daughter.
Trey flew back to Tennessee and shortly after he and Lucy went on a 14-day hike in the French Alps, where Trey carried an engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket for ten days before he got down on his knee and popped the question overlooking the Pennine Alps in front of Mont Blanc. He even wrote and read Lucy a poem. I have asked for permission to share part of that tonight.
Cathy and I, along with one of Lucy’s favorite cousins, Lauren McDowell, were able to spend time with Lucy and Trey in beautiful Annecy, France, after their trekking trip ended, and the wheels were in motion so to speak. After all the excitement, Cathy, Sally, Emily, and I encouraged Lucy to wait until 2025 for her wedding. Sally had just found out she was pregnant, Emily and Kyle were in the middle of an unexpected job search and relocating to the Northeast, and my wallet needed a rest from the last time I saw many of you on a dance floor in Austin.
A week later, Cathy and the girls met in Atlanta to help Sally with a big design installation, an every Singletary girl work-a-thon. During that trip, Lucy whipped out a meticulously prepared spreadsheet with every possible detail about what she wanted this weekend to be about and when she wanted it to happen. I remember Cathy calling me and simply saying she bamboozled us all. There will be a wedding next summer, and it will be in Tennessee. Buckle up and buck up!
So here we are, and that brings me to this . . .
At Texas A&M, where these two met, they like to say that if it happens twice, it is a tradition. This is my third Father-of-the-Bride toast, and I see no reason to go off script. I used a framework from a favorite cousin, Chris Oakey, in my first two. Chris suggested what he calls The Three H’s . . . a little bit of history, a little bit of heart, and a little bit of hope.
A little bit of history . . .
Lucy was born on March 13, 2000, in Nashville, TN. Cathy and I had wanted a third child for some time, but it was not in the cards. After multiple miscarriages, we had decided we were blessed with two amazing daughters, and maybe it was time to accept that we were done. But Cathy got pregnant at age 40 one final time, and a special doctor we knew figured out why she kept losing the babies.
We were five or six months into what appeared to be a well-conceived pregnancy when a routine ultrasound revealed our new little girl was going to be born with some pretty significant birth defects. Cathy is a pediatric physical therapist, and a very gifted one, so we thought if any family could handle a special needs baby, it would be us.
Three months later, our baby entered the world at Vanderbilt Medical Center, surrounded by a team of neonatal specialists who would be taking the baby by c-section straight into surgery. I’ll never forget being in that birthing room when Lucy took her first breath. A delivery nurse, who appeared to be towards the end of her career, brought Lucy around the curtain and let me hold her for a brief minute. As she put Lucy in my arms, she looked me in the eyes and whispered, ‘Ain’t nothing in the world wrong with that baby girl!’
Wow! That was all the doctors could say after a series of tests revealed that all was indeed fine. “Sometimes we get it wrong, and sometimes God has other plans for our babies.”
We had a healthy third baby, and our family was complete. We named her Lucelia May Singletary, celebrating my lifelong friendship with Ricky May and in honor of his mother, Louise May, whom we all adored. When Ms. May heard what we were doing in typical fashion, she said, ‘She can have my name as long as she is pretty, smart, and very funny.’
You nailed it LuLu . . .
Approximately three months after Lucy’s birth, a young man named Trey Harper Barfield was born in College Station, TX.
I understand Trey had many nicknames through the years, including Little Trey-Trey, which matches well with our Little LuLu. 'The General' was the name given to Trey by his brother, Kyle, when Trey was about 18 months old because he was a bossy little thing and ordered everyone around. Mighty Mouse, given to him by his junior high football coach, and how his father still has him listed on his phone today. Ice Trey is just a silly name given to him by his dad. And the obvious ones, TB, T-Barf, Trey-Barf, Trey-Bar, T-Bar.
Lucy was also a girl of many nicknames, including the previously mentioned LuLu, LuLu Lemon, Luboo, and Goose.
A little bit of heart . . .
As quick as Lucy was with math problems, or spelling bees, or science questions, what really separated her from the pack was her high emotional intelligence. We often thought she was reincarnated because of how ‘wise beyond her years’ she would be in certain situations. This is her true gift. She has, and always has had, an uncanny way of connecting with and supporting others.
Trey has many of these same qualities. He is a fabulous athlete and played middle linebacker on a Texas 5A State Championship football team. For those of you not from Texas, this is high-level stuff, and it shows what kind of athlete and leader he is.
Like Lucy, Trey has great people skills and a high emotional IQ. I asked Karen to share some stories about Trey, and she told me that as tough as our little General was, he was also very sensitive. It didn’t take much to discipline him as a little guy. He rarely got spankings. All that was necessary was a slightly raised voice and to say, “Trey Harper,” and that bottom lip would pooch out, and tears would form in his eyes.
The acronym RELLIS stands for the six Texas A&M Aggies' core values: respect, excellence, leadership, loyalty, integrity, and selfless service. These two exemplify this code, especially the last value, selfless service.
Trey and Lucy met through Young Life, the Christian organization they both were part of in high school and then as team leaders in college. They both gave many hours of their college years to mentoring and helping high school students at their respective high schools where they oversaw the programs.
Lucy was so dedicated to her ‘Young Life’ students that she spent most of her free time in college at Rudder High School. So much so that I would sometimes hear Cathy on the phone with Lucy. “Lucy, would you please go to a party tonight instead of another high school volleyball game.” (I don't remember hearing that type of conversation when Sally and Emily were in college? (-; )
A little bit of hope . . .
Many of you know I enjoy writing poems, or ditties, as we call them. I should give a shout-out to Ken King, our Nashville neighbor, who was the greatest ditty writer I ever knew. Ken, his wife Ann, and Becky Eagle were special neighbors in Nashville and Lucy’s godparents. And it means to world to all of us that they are here tonight.
So my ditty tonight is a little different. With permission, I have used Trey's poem from Mont Blanc, and interjected some of my thoughts as well.
Lucy, I have never written a diddy before,
I probably should've had Page help;
I hope you like it; I've given it a lot of thought
Here goes nothing; giving it all I got
Go Trey go, you didn’t ask for my aid
But you did fly to London, that was well-played
Lucy May, you're the apple of my eye
Girls like you are hard to come by
You're beautiful, loving, strong, set apart
There's no one I'd rather choose to be my counterpart
Trey, young man, you have indeed done well
All us Singletarys know our LuLu is quite swell
Now let's throw it back to about 3 years ago
who would've ever known
That the girl I met on College Ave
Would be the very best friend I could ever have
Yes Trey, friendship is important when you join as one
It makes a marriage successful and a whole lot of fun
We've grown so much closer to God and each other over the years
When I think of the blessing you are to my life, it brings me to tears
Well said Trey, continue to treasure Lucy in every way
And if you don’t, you will have to deal with Uncle Ricky May
You prove to me more and more every single day
That you are the girl I want to be with until my hair turns grey
You are someone who pursues beauty, adventure, and truth
And I believe if we chase those things together, we'll see so much fruit
Yes, you will Trey, dream big stay strong
Keep writing her poems and singing her songs
Being in a place like this reminds me of the Larger story
The story of Life which results in Love, Abundance, and Glory
And that's a story I want to be a part of with you
You're my puzzle piece, I’ll admit it, it's true
There is a bigger story Trey, you clearly understand
Keep your faith and know God has you in his hands
Lu, the past 2 and a half years have been the best moments of my life.
I’m expectant of many more but with you as my wife
Well, I’m feeling pretty bold, and my heart’s filled with glee
Lucelia May Singletary, one question, will you marry me?
Well done, Trey, Lucy said yes, emphatically so
May your love for each other grow and grow . . .
